Gregor Samsa's Got Nothing on Me.

In life, there are always certain unspoken orders. Anyone
who has ever attended an institute of learning – whether middle
school, high school, or college – can attest to the fact that
specific social groups, for one reason or another, are held in
a higher regard and are treated with an air of deference that
is denied to the rest of their peers. Some of these groups are
particularly notorious for their treatment of those they consider
to be "below them," and it is a widely known fact that human
females, above all creatures, have the capacity to be cruel and
merciless: a facility which many of this gender do not hesitate
to utilize. One such group which has become particularly infamous
for its conduct towards its fellow men is the stereotypical
"Popular Girl" crowd of the standard American high school. It is
interesting to note, however, that though these young ladies may
view themselves as comparable to animals of good standing and
desirable form, such as a member of the feline family, or perhaps
even a mythological creature, it is actually far more plausible
that a member of this elite crowd should one day awaken to find
herself transformed into a monstrous banana slug.

Banana slugs are probably best known for their coloring. They are
so named for the black-spotted, bright yellow bodies they typically
sport which so obviously resemble that beloved potassium-laden fruit,
although solid greenish, pale brown, and even nearly white specimens
may occur as well. These colors act as camouflage, allowing the slugs
to blend in with leaves on the forest floor. In this same way, members
of the elite crowd are most easily recognized by their clothing,
generally some shade of pink or another variant pastel color, adorned
not with black spots as the slug, but instead, large labels which
proudly proclaim designer name-products and flaunt outrageously high
price tags. This showy raiment also acts as a sort of camouflage,
allowing each girl to blend into the collective group rather than
forcing her to retain an established individual identity that may or
may not be as admired by those around her.

Another characteristic of the banana slug is its ability to secret slime,
which serves several key purposes in the survival of the species. One
function of the slime is to defend the slug against predators. Their
bodies swell, forming a bigger animal, and in the process, the creature
produces a thick, cloudy mucous. Generally, animals and birds do not like
the gooey texture, nor the fact that the slug only becomes stickier when it
comes into contact with saliva or other moist surfaces. Popular girls also
have the ability to secrete a slime of sorts, though their variety is more
of a figurative, verbal slime than a tangible mucous. When confronted with
a predator ( i.e.: a social lesser), the female will also swell up, making
herself seem bigger and better than the poor plebeian who should have the
misfortune of crossing her path, and woe unto him if any attempt at
conversation should be made! The "slime" of the elite is a verbal berating,
and just as in the case of the slug, any attempt to pacify or, horrors,
out-do the female only worsens the effect.

Recently there has been an effort to inform the general public of the
usefulness of banana slugs. The species plays an important role in the
ecosystem as a forest floor decomposer, and gardeners are now being asked
to simply move the slug out of their way rather than employing the use of
dehydrating substances to rid themselves of these invasive creatures.
However, the popular girls of America serve no visible purpose to society.
If only it was as easy as finding enough salt.